When Your Partner's Decorating Preferences Make You Want to Scream

How to Compromise with Your Spouse on Home Decor

Credit: Pexels | Joey

Overcoming your decorating dilemma with a spouse is about more than just looking at pretty pictures on Pinterest together.

You'll get better results when you really listen to what your partner has to say. That's how you can create a home you both love - or at least a home that reflects both your personalities. 

But as anyone who's ever tried to overcome a decorating dilemma with a spouse such as clashing styles can tell you, it isn't without communication.

Table Of Contents:

#1. The most powerful way to overcome any decorating argument with your spouse

#2. A new take on solving a decorating disagreement with your spouse

• How to explain to your spouse that you want to be in charge of the design and decor

• How to talk to your spouse about any decorating dilemma that causes stress

• How to get your husband to agree to a major expense

#3. Using 3D renderings and design presentations to solve your decorating dilemma with your spouse

#4. Remember that relationship issues are not design dilemmas.

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Sometimes you need a a design mediator's wisdom to help you on your way. 

Here are 4 fabulous decorating dilemma hacks that can fast-track your path to peaceful solutions when “my husband won't let me decorate the house”.

#1. The most powerful way to overcome any decorating dilemma with your spouse

Over our 15 years of marriage, there were too many years at the beginning that I held on to fear.

As a highly sensitive individual, there were many slights that I attached negative meaning to, and felt defensive against.

You name it, I probably feared it.

My head told me, "we aren't really meant to be together," "he doesn't love me as well as he could," or "this is never going to work."

These fears were meant to have me avoid heartache, pain, and emotional abuse I dealt with in the past, however these same thoughts also kept me angry, and in a negative head space for a long time.

With the help of my therapist, I was able to transition from this darkness that was casting a cloud over our relationship to a new frame of mind.

I can choose to go back into that darkness or I can choose to see that we are on the same team, we love each other, and a small squabble doesn't matter in the long run.

I knew very well that what is not love is fear.

I chose to stop choosing fear. I choose love.

It's all in the intention that is set.

Go into the conversation about your decorating dilemma with your spouse with your positive intention set.

I often ask myself "Is this really going to matter five years from now?" If it is not, then it really isn't worth arguing over. As Brooke Wichmann states, asking yourself a few questions first helps you get centered.   

“Before engaging in a conflict, I recommend setting a clear intention that is aligned with your values and the desires of your higher self.

Here’s some questions I ask myself in order to do this. I call it the “Where, Who, What, How” model.

-Where is my focus? Is it short-term or long-term? Is it based in love or fear?

-Who do I want to be? What kinds of qualities do I want to embody?

-What do I want to create?

-How do I want others to perceive or describe me?”1

Photo: by Snapwire from Pexels

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#2. A new take on solving a decorating dilemma with your spouse

Credit: Dominika Roseclay

There are many wives out there who have husbands that let them decorate any way that they want.

Then there are those of us who have opinionated husbands, wanting to give input on every little thing. Or maybe it's just the big things like having a leather recliner or sofa and large screen TV.

I've made it no secret that I was in for a big surprise that instead of letting me lead the way with our home renovation with my educated Interior Design expertise, my husband surprised me by wanting to have a say in every decision.

The decorating dilemma becomes who in charge of the master plan?

Sure, I could have gone behind his back and just ordered things, and dealt with it when it arrived.

Like the time I made over our master bedroom without telling him at the beginning of our marriage, and let him discover it when he got home from work. (He loved it.)

However, we are an older couple now, and I have more respect now for him, and want our home to fully reflect his style and personality as much as it does mine.

I have to allow him to be in on the decision process in order to for him to be fully expressive in the design process.

However, men don't realize that we've been thinking about decorating and design our whole lives. It's just like planning a wedding. Women don't just start thinking about their wedding when they get engaged, they have been planning their wedding their whole life.

Here are some new takes on how to solve your design problems with your partner:

How to Explain to Your Spouse You Want to Be In Charge of the Decor

Joni Webb of Cote de Texas has a fabulous plan for explaining this to your spouse, and for setting the stage for you to be the one in charge of decorating, even though you are going to get his input as well.

Photo by bruce mars from Pexels

“My advice is simple. Ask your husband out to dinner. Tell him you want to discuss something important with him. Make sure he has a nice sized drink at dinner. Start out with a question. Ask him what our therapist asked: “what games did you play when you were little?” Tell him what you played. Make sure you tell him how much you respect him and what he does for the family. Explain that you want the same respect. Tell him that you have studied magazines and décor for years and know exactly how you want your house to look like. Ask him to understand that it is your lifelong dream to have that beautiful house. Ask him if he can say the same? Ask him to trust your taste. Above all, don’t raise your voice and don’t argue. State your cause in a mature, reasonable tone. This isn’t a fight, you are merely opening up his eyes to who you really are and what you really want.   

Most likely your husband will see how serious you are and will be willing to give up his jewel toned walls, ceiling fans, and leather sectional. If not, compromise and offer to create a room especially for him, but on the condition that you get to design the rest of the house.”2

How to Talk to Your Spouse About Any Decorating Dilemma That Causes Stress

Sheila Wray Gregoire of To Love, Honor, and Vacuum suggests sitting side by side so as not to be as confrontational. She suggests giving your spouse the opportunity to talk about how he feels first.

Image by Mabel Amber, still incognito... from Pixabay

“Don’t rush in and give him your whole opinion and analysis of the situation. First ask him what he thinks, and really listen. This doesn’t mean that your opinion isn’t important, or even that it’s less important. It’s just that often we’ve put a ton of thought into something that wasn’t even on his radar. If we begin the conversation and say everything that we’ve already thought about it, we run the risk of steamrolling him.

Instead, let him talk and give his ideas before you unload everything you’ve been thinking.”3

Overall, Sheila sums up her advice into three points:

• Create the right environment to talk

• Approach each conversation as a time to connect and hear his opinion, not just to give yours

• Move into problem-solving mode”3

Credit: Sophie Lambert and Louis Galliard via Victoria

How to Get Your Husband to Agree to a Major Expense

Image by Robert-Owen-Wahl from Pixabay

Good Housekeeping also has tips for getting your husband to agree to a major expense such as a kitchen remodel. They suggest appealing to how this will affect the family once it's done.

For instance, our home remodel now allows us to hold large gatherings and is the spot for entertaining. Our annual New Year's Eve party with friends has become a big hit.

1. “Appeal to his self-interest.

2. Put the ball in his court.

3. Share the credit.

Deal breaker: "Don't you want me to be happy?"

Deal maker: "This isn't for me. It's for the family."4

"Men don't realize that we've been thinking about decorating and design our whole lives."

Credit: Unsplash | Micheile

#3. Using 3D renderings and design presentations to solve your decorating dilemma with your spouse

A little-known point is that men are not visual thinkers.

I don't know how many times I've heard, "I'll look at the blueprint/drawing/(insert favorite 2D media) but I just won't be able to visualize it in my space."

It's going to be hard to convince someone of a solution to any decorating dilemma if they can't imagine it.

3D rendering visuals are computer-generated three-dimensional interior snapshots of furniture in your space, as well as the lighting, wall color, wall treatment or wallpaper, flooring, rugs, decor accents, etc.

I'd like to mention that my 3D rendering service that is complimentary with my Design In A Box, New Home/Home Makeover, and DIY Room Makeover packages provides you the solution when you are unable to visualize something, allowing you to see exactly how the design will look in your space. Not to mention, it's just plain cool.

Thanks to 3D visuals, we can help give a client the feel for a space, before it exists in the real world. From the general layout right down to the smallest details of the finishes, these renderings can help a room come alive in a way that conventional 2D floor plans simply can’t.5

#4. Remember that relationship issues are not design dilemmas.

Relationship issues are not design dilemmas, keep those separate.

My boss at the wallpaper store I clerked at in college told me she knew a handful of couples who divorced over wallpaper.

I wonder now how many of those divorces were really over the wallpaper, and not some real relationship issue under the surface.

Often when we are angry, we are not angry for the reason that we think we are. Take a deep breathe, and search yourself for whether there is a deeper reason that you are angry. What is the real issue other than the fact that he doesn't want to paint over wood paneling?

Practicing mindfulness can be a useful tool during a stressful time such as a renovation or home makeover.

Don’t fall prey to stress and exhaustion. Get the rest you need and agree to table deeper discussions until after the redo.6

Credit: Victoria Larson Textiles

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Sources

1. The Most Powerful Way to Resolve Conflicts in Relationships , Tiny Buddha, The Most Powerful Way to Resolve Conflicts in Relationships By Brooke Wichmann , 2014

2. Convincing Your Husband To Decorate Your Way , Cote de Texas by Joni Webb, Joni Webb, August 08. 2011

3. 10 Ways to Talk So Your Husband Will Hear, To Love, Honor, and Vacuum, by Sheila Wray Gregoire, January 10, 2017

4. How to Turn No into Yes!, Good Housekeeping, Caroline Hwang, March 07, 2007

5. 3D Renderings Help Interior Design Process, Marta Mitchell Interior Design, Marta Mitchell, 2019

6. When Your Tastes Clash: How to Design and Decorate as a Couple, Houzz, Melisa LaBancz-Bleasdale, March 20, 2013

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